All is Calm, All is Bright

    Another long day of work for my husband, a typical 14.5 hour day. Another day that ends with his drive home and a long phone call to me. Another day where he seems undervalued and our future teeters on the promise of security. But the skeptic in me says what security? I must have been young and blissfully ignorant of the need for a definite security only a few years ago. As newlyweds we hopped around from one address to another, content and excited about the unknown. We finally settled down in 2005 and I was thrilled when we had reached, then surpassed the three year mark in our home. We had been settled for longer than we had roamed.
    I still have moments where I want another adventure, but for the sake of 'newness' and not for a lack of contentment or joy in my current circumstances. I will go anywhere my husband needs to be, but after five years, the roots are much deeper than previously. It's easy to pick up and go after thirteen months or six weeks. After five years, my eyes and heart burn at the thought of any potential move. And to clarify, there is not the potential of anything right now. We are staying put for as long as we can. I do know that for my husband to feel fulfilled in his job and the longs hours he works to be worth it, a move might be necessary.
    So after tonight's conversations, I hit a low. I've been in the dumps for two weeks now. Bah Humbug strangely becoming my mantra and negativity reigning in my mind. I am the positive thinker in our relationship. I should not be the one as affected, but I am. My heart's between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to consider possibilities. I don't want my husband coming home after a negative day at work. He absolutely loves what he does, which is why he stays. It's certain people that make it difficult. Isn't that per the usual? We sacrifice much as a family and he gives an incredible chunk of time to do what he loves. So why can't the right people recognize that? WHY?
    It's eleven o'clock at night. My emotions are unhinged, righteous indignation towards those who would make things difficult for him, stress over any potential changes in our future, and tears over what those changes could bring. I know that I would embrace any change that could come, that's my nature. But the negative thoughts can't be quelled. Then stupid Jango.com's Christmas station breaks into my cynical thoughts. Josh Groban's version of Silent Night. I hear "... All is calm, all is bright..." and my immediate reaction is 'Yeah, right. There is nothing calm and bright about this.' Then I remember that this song is not about me and my earthly situations. All is calm and all is bright because of Jesus.
    All my worries, no matter how necessary they seem to be or a future that seems to be wavering, have not been put in proper perspective. They have not been placed before the One who can hold my burdens and can smooth the negative ripples in my soul or the hurt that has heavily placed itself upon me. That's why he was born. I can 'sleep in heavenly peace' now.

Silent night, holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon Virgin Mother and Child

Holy Infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!

Shepherds quake at the sight

Glories stream from heaven afar

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Christ, the Saviour is born

Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night

Son of God, love's pure light

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With the dawn of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "