Who Dunit: The Case of the Murdered Nutella

One hot, muggy afternoon at the end of summer, four children accompanied their mother to the store for groceries. The cupboards and the refrigerator were bare as the family had just returned from vast travels, that took them thousands of miles away from home. These four children were at the apex of excitement over the thought of accessible food in their home and their mother decided after so long away to offer some leniency in what foods the cupboards would hold. As they perused the aisles of the store, the children took every opportunity to add to the pile of groceries in the cart... tomato soup, mushroom soup, strawberries and whipped cream, etc. Then the children heard the voice of angels and saw the unmistaken light of glory that fell upon the scrumptious chocolate hazelnut spread of goodness: Nutella. They were desperate for the largest container, but the mother declined in favor of a much smaller size, which she would be quite thankful for later.

The Nutella was brought home with the immediate request to enjoy the rich delicacy. The mother obliged, generously slathering it on bread with strawberry jelly. Instanty pleased, the children then begged for another round; to which the mother refused as it was unnecessary to eat the Nutella in its entirety on the first opening. This concept was apparently lost on the children and the mother could tell this was only the beginning of conflict over when and how much of the Nutella would be eaten. The mother, realizing the dangers of gluttony, and that three salivating girls would eventually find a way to inhale the Nutella, was wise and quickly turned the lid of the Nutella as tight as she could. Confident that no child could get into the coveted container of delectableness, the mother left the Nutella on the table in the kitchen, for she knew the next day would begin with the children wanting it for breakfast.

The next morning, after a fulfilling night of slumber (which until recently had been a rarity), the mother headed to the kitchen for coffee and to prepare breakfast for her still sleeping babes. Upon entering the kitchen, the mother was stopped at the sight of a heinous crime that had most certainly happened during the night while she slept. The Nutella had been murdered, in the most tortuous fashion. Being the kind of mother that laughs first, takes photographs second, questions third and then blogs fourth, she was fascinated by the sight and did all four --in that order. Putting on her best imaginary deerslayer hat, these are the deductions she made.

Specimen 1: Butterknife with faint streaks of Nutella; unsure if weapon or accessory to murder

 

 

Specimen 2: Bread knife, well over ten inches long, two sharp points, serated, a good deal more Nutella spread on end and along blade; prime suspect as weapon of destruction

 

 

 

Specimen 3: Small spoon, globs of Nutella present, teeth marks in globs, small fingerprints on handle, found inside the victim (container of Nutella); accessory to murder, utterly vile

 

 

Specimen 4: The victim of the crime, container of Nutella, lid still tightly screwed onto container, obvious signs of struggle and gruesome traces of spread around lid and container.

 

Specimen 5: The lid, upon close examination suffered from multiple puncture wounds to top, resulting in gashed edges and more globs of Nutella and the presence of the small spoon before extraction; the spoon was used to remove the contents of Nutella from the inside of the container.

 

 

Same lid, punctures from the underside

 



 

 

 

Autopsy Results: 11 of the 13 ounces originally in container are decimated.

 

 

 

The mother, after taking the evidence and weighing the abilities of her children, decided that it could either be her first child or the second. She woke her eldest child and in film noir mode asked her what she knew about the Nutella downstairs in the kitchen. The child blinked, rubbed her eyes and said "You woke me up to talk about Nutella? I want to go back to sleep." The child rolled back over and pulled the blanket over her head. The mother left the room contemplating the innocence or guilt of her oldest child. Entering the next room, she pulled the blanket down off the face of her peacefully sleeping second child, so sweet and the picture of innocence. The mother, of course, took into account the presence of Nutella at the corner of her child's small lips. Aha. The mother flipped on the light to better see the offender. The child squirmed under its radiance and begged for it to be turned off. The mother refused and questioned the child. "What do you know about the Nutella downstairs?" asked the mother. The child looked at the wall behind the mother's head "What Nutella? I've been asleep aaaallll night long." The mother skewered the child with her eyes. "The Nutella that was savagely cut into and eaten last night while the house was sleeping." "Oh, that Nutella..."

 

 

The mother was quite glad the child did not suffer injury in her murderous act against the Nutella (check out the second specimen if you need reminding), and the mother is still a bit flabbergasted that her tiny child managed the crime and ate that much Nutella.